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2004-01-23 @ 4:45 p.m. : >>
A Mind Elsewhere
Today I met with the college dean to get my grades from last semester. (Reed does not routinely give grades - if you want them you have to go ask for them).
I feared that they had decreased since I last checked them. Turns out they have in fact increased and I am doing even better than before. Which is of course great news.
It is also somewhat amazing, considering how little brain power I feel I devote to my studies and how little of me I in fact feel is actually here in Portland. Sure, my body is physically here. But my heart and mind seem to be somewhere else entirely. It's as if they didn't quite manage to board that plane back in August along with the rest of me. They got left far, far away.
I confided in the dean that I am at a point now where I truly do not know what to do about this any more. It's not as if things don't happen here. They do. People invite me out and I go. We do things, go places, get drunk. My life looks as if it should hold plenty to keep me fulfilled and excited.
But the truth is that I think about Brighton and how badly I want to be there virtually every waking minute of every single day. Several people who I have mentioned this to have asked me quite how I manage to do this in terms of cognitive resources. I wish I knew.
And I wish I knew how to change it.....
A Mind Elsewhere
Today I met with the college dean to get my grades from last semester. (Reed does not routinely give grades - if you want them you have to go ask for them).
I feared that they had decreased since I last checked them. Turns out they have in fact increased and I am doing even better than before. Which is of course great news.
It is also somewhat amazing, considering how little brain power I feel I devote to my studies and how little of me I in fact feel is actually here in Portland. Sure, my body is physically here. But my heart and mind seem to be somewhere else entirely. It's as if they didn't quite manage to board that plane back in August along with the rest of me. They got left far, far away.
I confided in the dean that I am at a point now where I truly do not know what to do about this any more. It's not as if things don't happen here. They do. People invite me out and I go. We do things, go places, get drunk. My life looks as if it should hold plenty to keep me fulfilled and excited.
But the truth is that I think about Brighton and how badly I want to be there virtually every waking minute of every single day. Several people who I have mentioned this to have asked me quite how I manage to do this in terms of cognitive resources. I wish I knew.
And I wish I knew how to change it.....