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2003-11-04 @ 8:12 p.m. : >>
The Undoing Of My Education
I should perhaps explain a little about the school I went to. High school, that is. Or rather, secondary school, as we call it.
I went there, after all, for seven years. That is an entire third of my life. Although I never liked it there very much, it seems to have had an impact that I have carried with me.
It was a school for high-achievers and the focus was almost entirely on achievement. We went to school not to learn for its own sake, but rather to learn how to pass the national exams with A grades and thus keep the school in its place at the very top of the national league tables. Ultimate careers in the professions and the City of London were seen as most admirable goals.
I suppose I thought at the time that achievement really was everything. Now I don't. I have shifted my values quite considerably since then.
I only wish I was more articulate and could express all this better. That is something I really must work on. A girl with that education should not feel so frustratingly inarticulate.
I don't really like to be constantly busy and achieving. That just isn't for me. It doesn't suit me. Some people perhaps thrive on the pressure of a City career. Whereas I don't feel that I would.
There. I said it.
I like to have time to daydream and just generally be. Without having to worry about constant deadlines and busy-ness.
Is that OK? Is that wrong? Because it makes me feel somewhat guilty. I feel like I ought to enjoy constant busy-ness and striving for achievement. That I ought to have a higher need for challenge and cognition. I should not be so content with just being.
But put like that, it seems that being content with being cannot be a bad thing. Perhaps I have got it right and they have got it wrong. Perhaps my way is a better route to a happier life. I never got the impression, after all, that alumni of that school were especially happy. I don't remember happiness ever coming into things very much.
The Undoing Of My Education
I should perhaps explain a little about the school I went to. High school, that is. Or rather, secondary school, as we call it.
I went there, after all, for seven years. That is an entire third of my life. Although I never liked it there very much, it seems to have had an impact that I have carried with me.
It was a school for high-achievers and the focus was almost entirely on achievement. We went to school not to learn for its own sake, but rather to learn how to pass the national exams with A grades and thus keep the school in its place at the very top of the national league tables. Ultimate careers in the professions and the City of London were seen as most admirable goals.
I suppose I thought at the time that achievement really was everything. Now I don't. I have shifted my values quite considerably since then.
I only wish I was more articulate and could express all this better. That is something I really must work on. A girl with that education should not feel so frustratingly inarticulate.
I don't really like to be constantly busy and achieving. That just isn't for me. It doesn't suit me. Some people perhaps thrive on the pressure of a City career. Whereas I don't feel that I would.
There. I said it.
I like to have time to daydream and just generally be. Without having to worry about constant deadlines and busy-ness.
Is that OK? Is that wrong? Because it makes me feel somewhat guilty. I feel like I ought to enjoy constant busy-ness and striving for achievement. That I ought to have a higher need for challenge and cognition. I should not be so content with just being.
But put like that, it seems that being content with being cannot be a bad thing. Perhaps I have got it right and they have got it wrong. Perhaps my way is a better route to a happier life. I never got the impression, after all, that alumni of that school were especially happy. I don't remember happiness ever coming into things very much.