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2003-11-01 @ 5:04 p.m. : >>
Appreciation Of The Present (or lack thereof)
I found a new radio station to listen to. An online 80s station. I am happy.
However, listening to it this afternoon, I caught myself rarely enjoying the song that was currently playing but rather thinking about what-might-be-played-next. It struck me that this is very similar to my approach to life in general.
Have I ever been completely happy with the present? Yes, I believe so. When I lived in Connecticut I was happy. I have journals documenting how I wished I could preserve the moment forever, so this obviously isn't just some kind of memory bias.
However, I am certain that I was at least somewhat bored even then. I can remember times when the thought of cleaning-up breakfast and the playroom everyday drove me positively crazy. I knew the moment could not actually be preserved forever though. My visa would soon expire and I would have to leave. Perhaps that's what made me believe I was so happy - the fact that I knew the experience was inevitably going to come to an end soon made me want to cling on. Or perhaps not.
Maybe it is because I was educated to be so very goal-focused. To work and work and work and live for the promise of future rewards when that work is done. I don't think I like that approach. I would much rather be able to appreciate the present. All too soon this year will be over and I'll find myself wondering where the hell it went.
Appreciation Of The Present (or lack thereof)
I found a new radio station to listen to. An online 80s station. I am happy.
However, listening to it this afternoon, I caught myself rarely enjoying the song that was currently playing but rather thinking about what-might-be-played-next. It struck me that this is very similar to my approach to life in general.
Have I ever been completely happy with the present? Yes, I believe so. When I lived in Connecticut I was happy. I have journals documenting how I wished I could preserve the moment forever, so this obviously isn't just some kind of memory bias.
However, I am certain that I was at least somewhat bored even then. I can remember times when the thought of cleaning-up breakfast and the playroom everyday drove me positively crazy. I knew the moment could not actually be preserved forever though. My visa would soon expire and I would have to leave. Perhaps that's what made me believe I was so happy - the fact that I knew the experience was inevitably going to come to an end soon made me want to cling on. Or perhaps not.
Maybe it is because I was educated to be so very goal-focused. To work and work and work and live for the promise of future rewards when that work is done. I don't think I like that approach. I would much rather be able to appreciate the present. All too soon this year will be over and I'll find myself wondering where the hell it went.