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2003-10-06 @ Early Evening : >>
Retrospect
I feel like things don't happen here.
The kind of things that stand-out in one's memory, that is. The kind of things that mark turning-points in one's life. The kind of things that, if one's life were represented by a chart, would be marked as big colorful blobs. Life seems a little monotonous and mundane now, with me not really learning anything new. Whereas, if my world of the past year were to be mapped-out it would be full to the brim with colorful blobs.
But there is of course the possibility that these things are happening and that I am just not seeing them yet. For such things are, come to think of it, probably only visible in retrospect.
I also think that such experiences just naturally come to one. That is, one cannot purposefully create or go looking for them. Maybe I am trying so hard to create such experiences that, in doing so, I am preventing them from happening.
And I am probably trying in all the wrong ways. Like by assuming that, just because previous "colorful blobs" (to continue with that analogy) have been created in a particular fashion, others will be created in that very same fashion. In reality it doesn't work that way. The next colorful blob will, in all probability, be formed in a fashion I have never even considered before.
There are analogies here with creativity. Setting out telling oneself that one has to create a great piece of art or come up with some outstanding idea generally doesn't work. These things often just happen, usually when we are thinking about something else entirely.
So maybe, I find myself thinking, the answer is to just go out there and expose oneself to as many new things as possible. Which is exactly what I'm doing and exactly what my goal was in coming here.
But some experiences never do really stand out much, even in retrospect. Some are just sort of glossed over in the mind. And maybe this will be one of them.
Only time will tell, I guess. Remind me to come back to this entry.
Retrospect
I feel like things don't happen here.
The kind of things that stand-out in one's memory, that is. The kind of things that mark turning-points in one's life. The kind of things that, if one's life were represented by a chart, would be marked as big colorful blobs. Life seems a little monotonous and mundane now, with me not really learning anything new. Whereas, if my world of the past year were to be mapped-out it would be full to the brim with colorful blobs.
But there is of course the possibility that these things are happening and that I am just not seeing them yet. For such things are, come to think of it, probably only visible in retrospect.
I also think that such experiences just naturally come to one. That is, one cannot purposefully create or go looking for them. Maybe I am trying so hard to create such experiences that, in doing so, I am preventing them from happening.
And I am probably trying in all the wrong ways. Like by assuming that, just because previous "colorful blobs" (to continue with that analogy) have been created in a particular fashion, others will be created in that very same fashion. In reality it doesn't work that way. The next colorful blob will, in all probability, be formed in a fashion I have never even considered before.
There are analogies here with creativity. Setting out telling oneself that one has to create a great piece of art or come up with some outstanding idea generally doesn't work. These things often just happen, usually when we are thinking about something else entirely.
So maybe, I find myself thinking, the answer is to just go out there and expose oneself to as many new things as possible. Which is exactly what I'm doing and exactly what my goal was in coming here.
But some experiences never do really stand out much, even in retrospect. Some are just sort of glossed over in the mind. And maybe this will be one of them.
Only time will tell, I guess. Remind me to come back to this entry.