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2003-10-04 @ Midnight : >>
Happiness & Introspection
I talked to my mom on the 'phone for an entire hour. That is very unusual. Prior to that I had barely talked to her the entire time I've been here.
I think (I hope anyway) that I managed to convince her I am happy. She needs to believe I am happy. For if she thinks otherwise, she will feel like she has failed as a parent. She would feel that my unhappiness, whatever its root, would somehow be a bad reflection on her.
Whether I in fact am happy is another matter altogether. I have certainly been happier, it is true. But I have also, definitely, been unhappier. Certainly things could be a lot worse.
They say that introspection is a bad thing and guaranteed to make one unhappy, so perhaps I shouldn't be giving this one so much thought.
Is it a crime to say that no I am not entirely happy? Does that necessarily mean that there is anything wrong with me? Does it necessarily mean that there is anything wrong with my surroundings? Could it be a case perhaps of simply a bad fit between the two? (i.e. I could be happy in other surroundings, others could be happy in these surroundings)?
I think finding one's niche in a new place is generally the key. And that is something I have not done yet. It is something I perhaps won't ever do here. Nine months (the time I'll be here) is not, after all, a very long time in which to find one's niche.
Happiness & Introspection
I talked to my mom on the 'phone for an entire hour. That is very unusual. Prior to that I had barely talked to her the entire time I've been here.
I think (I hope anyway) that I managed to convince her I am happy. She needs to believe I am happy. For if she thinks otherwise, she will feel like she has failed as a parent. She would feel that my unhappiness, whatever its root, would somehow be a bad reflection on her.
Whether I in fact am happy is another matter altogether. I have certainly been happier, it is true. But I have also, definitely, been unhappier. Certainly things could be a lot worse.
They say that introspection is a bad thing and guaranteed to make one unhappy, so perhaps I shouldn't be giving this one so much thought.
Is it a crime to say that no I am not entirely happy? Does that necessarily mean that there is anything wrong with me? Does it necessarily mean that there is anything wrong with my surroundings? Could it be a case perhaps of simply a bad fit between the two? (i.e. I could be happy in other surroundings, others could be happy in these surroundings)?
I think finding one's niche in a new place is generally the key. And that is something I have not done yet. It is something I perhaps won't ever do here. Nine months (the time I'll be here) is not, after all, a very long time in which to find one's niche.